I was so tired.
I remember in 2021 when restrictions were easing, I was back at work trying to juggle the soft launch of ImagoDei Wellbeing & Yoga alongside waitressing part-time and finishing my 200hr Christian Yoga teacher training. Those first few weeks back at work were such a stark reminder of why and how my yoga practice became so important to me over the years.
Although I love hospitality, the job demands a lot physically, and is emotionally taxing. It feels like am constantly pouring out to my colleagues and customers. Sometimes with little or no return for the effort. And the hardest thing is having to deal with all the ego. (When it comes down to it, that’s really the hardest part of any job right?)
Specifically my own ego and insecurities about doing something I love thats still largely looked down upon unintentionally by society. And also, dealing with the ego of others. There is a deep disconnect between work being fun, fast-paced and ideal, yet still falling short and ‘life-taking’ more than it is life giving.
I found myself so tired. Are all adults just perpetually tired? Is it just me? It seems the pace of life is relentless.
What do you do, to connect back with yourself, with who you are and what you value and also recharge and connect with God? What do you do to reconcile the disconnect between: what I want my work and life to be like and what they actually are. It doesn’t have to be yoga, but for me thats what it is. The release of tension in my muscles and in my spirit was life giving at the end of a shift. I found I was able to give something good of myself back to my husband, not just the dregs of myself because the everyone else had gotten the best.
Sometimes it feels like life is high-school endlessly repeated.
That post-pandemic experience took me back to my first few years experiences in the working world, post-uni, coming home everyday so bewildered and hurt. Shocked by all the ways high school dynamics still play out into adulthood and more over, into professional working environments.
I take comfort in the words of Henry Nouwen: “Every time you feel hurt, offended, or rejected, you have to dare to say to yourself: “These feelings, strong as they may be, are not telling me the truth about myself. The truth, even though I cannot feel it right now, is that I am the chosen child of God, precious in God’s eyes, called the Beloved from all eternity, and held safe in an everlasting embrace. Act ahead of your feelings and trust that one day your feelings will match your convictions.” You are worthy of love.
And so, we practice self love because Jesus said to love others like you love yourself. If I loved those nearest and dearest to me the way I was treating myself, what kind of love would it be? Do I talk about myself and to myself so negatively to such an extend that I have made an enemy of myself? Even in that, take heart Beloved, Christ calls us to love our enemies too. So if you’ve made an enemy of yourself - love anyway. How will it end if the war is just you against you? More importantly who will end it?
Connect back with yourself.
When shame, anger, worry or anxiety fill me, I feel disconnected from life, from others and most of all my self. But we were made for connection. Connection to creation all around us, for fellowship with friends and family and most of all for the souls connection with God.
Rest reminds you of these truths, rest reminds you of your dignity. Both you and I are worthy of living rest-full lives. Busyness will not prove your popularity. Bodily neglect will not prove your importance. Exhaustion will not prove your worth. Are you ready to connect back with yourself and find rest?